Both paternal and maternal grandparents are deprived of a family member – their grandchild, and have to support and care for a son or daughter who has been traumatised. Sadly there are too many instances where their daughter or son feels they cannot continue and there is a double bereavement in the family.
You thought you were a close family, to know that they didn’t turn to you for help is hurtful. When you found out about the abortion you know you reacted badly. You have been so unhappy, you don’t know how to talk to them. It feels as though the abortion has not only robbed you of your grandchild but taken all the joy and unity from your family.
You felt you had good reasons to encourage abortion, you needed to protect your son/daughter who was young and had such a bright future. This was your first concern.
There had been other abortions in your family, you knew from experience that it wasn’t easy, but sometimes that’s just how things are. You strongly encouraged them both to be sensible
You were prepared to fully support the young couple and even offered to bring up the baby as your own.
You were not allowed to be involved, your voices were not welcome.
You didn’t even know about the baby, and it has upset you deeply. It was your first grandchild and it has caused friction in the family.
You only wanted to protect and care for your daughter who was with someone you felt was not right for her. You were sure that abortion was the most humane way to resolve the problem, you have life experience and it was easy to arrange everything. You over-rode all protests, knowing that there would come the right time for her, and she would thank you for your firm hand. Now you think about that little grandchild and have regrets. You consider how different things would be in your family, you have to admit that nothing turned out as you planned. Now you are thinking perhaps it really would have been better to trust in God.
Lord, you know the confusion in my heart. I wish I had acted with your wisdom, I get worried that there has been failure on my part - I thought I was doing such a good job with the family and now I have to admit that things are not as they should. I am turning to you for strength to honestly face where we are as a family. Is it my role as grandparent to lead and begin the way forward? I have been afraid to speak, but now I want to be led by you.
The way forward
Secrecy surrounds abortion and locks us all in isolation. The Lord can give us the words to open the conversation, show concern, ask "what happened"; ask "how can we work together to care for you"?
He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.
Proverbs 28:13 NKJV
It is important to deal with your pain before you can help your family deal with theirs. Take it to the cross and leave it there.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46:1 NKJV
It is important to forgive those who robbed you of your grandchild.
“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:14 NKJV
I am so shocked at what happened to my darling child. He/she was so young. I don't know how to help, in fact I'm so upset and angry I think I need help myself! How can such a thing happen without anyone telling us? How can I put my child’s needs first and help when I'm falling apart myself? Oh God give me strength! I come to You, to the cross of Jesus, you know how terrible life can be. I'm trusting in You, if you really came back to life and can hear me, Help me Jesus!