The full understanding of what you have done only hit you after the abortion, and there seemed to be no one you could speak to who would understand or could help. Mothers can be burdened with guilt and heartbreak, and feel there is no way forward. Was this your experience? There is hope; there are many who have trodden the path before you, The help is available in the form of the free online 8 week Recovery Course.
Please contact us for further help.
Below, you have some scenarios - overviews of how abortion can affect women. You may feel that one is similar to the situation that you are/were in. Please have a read of them and pray the prayer response, if you feel it is for you.
I feel so distressed, death would be welcome
You may have been unaware of the reality of the life of your unborn child, and believed that it was only a cluster of cells. This would have made it hard for you to understand your feelings when you found sorrow engulfing you after the abortion. No-one told you this is a common response to the death of your unborn child. Even though you might have received counselling, you, in common with many others, might not have thought that your problems had anything to do with the death of your baby.
A young woman who contacted the Facebook page wondered if she was going mad, and confided that she felt life was hopeless and she had a strong desire to kill herself. She said that she felt she had lost the most precious thing she could ever have, but all she did was have an abortion to please her parents. As she began to realise that she needed to be able to mourn the death of her little baby she was able to honestly start the painful journey towards acceptance and healing.
“This abortion/suicide link is well known among professionals who counsel suicidal persons........Perhaps one reason for the strong abortion/suicide link exists in the fact that in many ways abortion is like suicide. A person who threatens suicide is actually crying out for help. So are women who contemplate abortion. Both are in a state of despair. Both are lonely. Both feel faced by insurmountable odds."
David C. Reardon, Ph.D
I realise that I did not protect my baby, my mind is so troubled. Who can I turn to? Jesus loved little children, and told us to let them come to Him. Jesus please take care of my poor dead baby. I have such difficulty every day and feel that there is no future for me now. Please help me! You understand why I acted the way I did. You know my regrets and my suffering. You suffered also when you walked among us. I put my hand in yours, please don't let me go.
I was told it was just a bunch of cells
You might have had a scan but it is unlikely that you were allowed to see the development of your baby, to hear its heartbeat. Women are routinely lied to when they are considering abortion. It can be years before you find out the truth about your baby’s development. Whether you had a surgical or medical abortion, whether you went to a clinic or took the pills in your home, when you see the evidence of your little baby that died, then you can be released to mourn for your baby. Then you can receive comfort.
At a display of the pictures of aborted babies in a London borough a young woman stood for a long time looking at one of the pictures. She had been told that at twelve weeks there was no development in the baby, basically it was nothing, but she said she could see it was just like a baby. If she had known she wouldn't have done it. Suddenly she could see what she had lost, a real baby.
Now I understand what I have done! The shock is so great, there are such regrets. I could blame so many people, and live my life in bitterness and regret if I'm not careful, but even that would not bring my baby back. My baby has gone to death, and only one person has claimed to be greater than death. Jesus, if you can hear me please find my baby and keep it safe. I am so sorry that I allowed such a terrible thing to happen. Please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
Pressured into abortion
You could have been so pressured into abortion that although you knew it would kill your little baby you felt you had no option. The regret that you didn’t fight harder, the re-playing in your mind of how you had no real choice; the grief of your loss can make it difficult for you to mourn for your child.
A woman who had an abortion over forty years ago had always seen herself as the victim, and found it difficult to forgive those involved for what they had done to her. A breakthrough came when she understood, through pictures of abortion, that the prime victim was her baby, and she was able to express pity for her child for the first time, and be free to truly mourn.
God! Help me! My burden has increased now; I have guilt to carry as well as anger and sorrow. How could I have been so blind. Why didn't I fight harder for my baby? That one decision has coloured my entire life, I am weary of my thoughts and regrets. If only I had a place to lay down my burden. Could I trust in the cross of Jesus? It is said that you died to take the burdens of sin and shame, to set all mankind free from guilt. I can hardly imagine what my life would be like if I were free. I am reaching out to you Jesus, please take my hand.
Abortion after rape
Rape is often cited as the situation when abortion is a clear benefit, but this is not born out by the responses of many women who have been in that position.Research shows that abortion is a violation as damaging as the rape for many women.
After you got free from the rapist(s) it was so hard to think rationally. The ordeal you went through left you shocked and relieved to be cared for. The decision seemed to have been made without consideration of any other possibility.
You were told “not to worry, if you are pregnant you can have an abortion”. This was not presented as an option but as the only possible way forward, and you found it difficult to know what to do for the best. The decision seemed to have been made without consideration of any other possibility.
But then you heard of women who had been raped but kept the baby, or had it adopted. You can’t help wondering if your little baby could have been a redemption for you as well.
A woman had been raped and had subsequently had an abortion. She told me that she wondered if she would ever get over it. She was not talking about the rape, but the abortion. She felt that she had treated her unborn child like the rapist had treated her. She didn't have a chance to talk it out with anyone because it was just taken for granted that she wouldn't want to carry a rapist's child. It was my child as well, she said. That baby did nothing wrong.
For example, it is commonly assumed that rape victims who become pregnant would naturally want abortions. But in the only major study of pregnant rape victims ever done, Dr. Sandra Mahkorn found that 75 to 85 percent chose against abortion.
Watch Live Action President Lila Rose's powerful response to this question at the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women. Watch the video.
Oh God, how terrifying is power without love. What cruelty was inflicted on me. I should have known better, I feel that I have treated that poor little baby just as badly as I was treated. How can I recover? Who will understand? Will I ever be forgiven? Where is my baby? The questions go round in my head, disturbing my sleep. I need the healing that only God can give, but can I trust You, or will you be angry with me? I will put my hope in Jesus, the one who said He is gentle and humble. I will trust in Jesus who knows what it is like to suffer. I need your peace Jesus, please set me free from these regrets, lead me to safety.
The “sensible” choice
You were in a stable relationship; you both wanted a baby when the time was right. There was so much to achieve before that could happen, you both agreed that it was important to be properly prepared and in a position to give a baby all the advantages that a child deserves. You encouraged each other that this one was just not meant to be.
This decision assumes that the child in the womb is less than human, has no right to life and a place in the family, in short that it doesn't really exist. In order to live with the aftermath of an abortion taken for these reasons both parents often take a strongly defensive position and can be angry when they feel their views are being challenged. This denial can last for as long as ten years. In order to deal with the hidden pain that the loss of a child inevitably brings women often turn to drink or drugs. The ensuing chaos makes it even more difficult to focus on the primary cause of distress – the abortion.
A young woman who saw the pictures of aborted babies collapsed with the excess of emotion that overwhelmed her. She believed that she had 'dealt' with the abortion; had put it behind her. She was in deep denial; although it was painful for her, this exposure to the truth of what had happened to her unborn child was the start of recovery from the trauma she had gone through.
Is it really true that the termination of pregnancy - something so small - can affect me for so long, without me realising it? Life has been chaotic for quite a long time, and I seem to go round in circles. My best efforts don't seem to be enough to change things, in fact there are times when I feel that I'm bouncing from one difficult situation after another. They say it is darkest before dawn, but I could really do with some light right now. Someone said that they are the light – that was Jesus, but could he help me? If something doesn't change I might be beyond help soon. Jesus, can you hear me? Do you care for me? Are the stories about you true? Are you really the good shepherd, because I'm as lost and helpless as any silly sheep! Please show me the way out of this mess, please look at me with kindness.
I’ve had so many abortions - no-one has helped me
Women are victimised through prostitution, through incest, through child abuse. If this has been your history abortion was a further violation; your ordeal was probably a secret. You might have tried to turn to the law for help without success. Even at the abortion clinic it is unlikely you found refuge. It might have been many years ago, you may have achieved some measure of freedom from the domination you suffered. The knowledge that your babies were not allowed to live by your abusers, is a source of further heartbreak.
If this situation is ongoing we encourage you to contact the police.
Or perhaps you were convinced from an early age that sex was a need and abortion a right. Men encouraged you in this belief, enjoyed your body, were proud that you accepted the solution of abortion so readily. It is only as you have grown older and thought more deeply that you are able to consider that you have been abused, that you have begun to think about those babies. It troubles you that you’re not even sure how many abortions you had.
Because of the complex nature of the abuse you have endured it can be difficult for you to separate out and address the things you are struggling with.. However, the writing of letters to your aborted babies, the remembering and naming can bring a large measure of relief and healing.
A woman who was trapped in an abusive relationship with a violent man was twice coerced into abortion. When she became pregnant for a third time she took desperate measures to escape and protect her unborn child. She couldn't face another abortion. She sought refuge with another man who, although not violent, was controlling. He found it difficult to understand the struggles his wife was going through as she tried to come to terms with the past. Her situation was complex and chaotic, and although she received some counselling the trauma of the abortions was not addressed as this is considered health care, it is legal and acceptable and therefore many discount the damage it does to a woman.
Can I really expect to find help anywhere? So many times I've been used, my needs have been ignored, I feel worthless and no-one notices. But I am a human being, I will not give up. There must be a god who can see what I've been through, who will have pity on me. There is Jesus, who was rejected and unjustly killed. Did he really come back to life? Has he got the power to help me? I believe that he was a truly good man, he would not have tricked and abused me. I will ask him – Jesus, help me! Rescue me from this life that I'm trapped in! You know what I've done, you know how frightened and desperate I've been. Help me Jesus, I have no-one else to turn to. All my hope is in you.
Disability and not compatible with life
You were advised to have an abortion by the doctor because of a medical condition which would cause your baby to be disabled. Even though you wanted your baby to be born and take its chances you were afraid that you would not have the resources or the courage to provide for your baby's needs. No-one supported you in your feelings, in fact you were told that it is the kindest thing for the baby.
Not compatible with life
Abortion was not something you really gave much thought to before the sad news about your baby. The news that your baby was unlikely to survive birth was such a shock, and there seemed to be no hope. You were surrounded with loving friends and family who supported abortion. The feeling of desolation still overwhelms you even though you know everyone thought you would have “got over it” by now..
A woman who was pressured into agreeing with the doctor and allowing her baby to die, for many years couldn’t escape from the regrets and the questions in her mind. Were the doctors right or had she made a terrible mistake? The thought of what she had done haunted her and caused serious problems in her relationship with the father. The PASE course helped her to accept that she couldn’t change the past, and to trust more deeply in Jesus and His promises.
Oh God, how can I ever forgive myself! I did not protect my baby, I was weak and gave in to my fears and my baby paid the price. Poor little one, I should have treated it with respect, with tenderness. I should have given it dignity.... If only I could go back in time. All I can do is put my baby in your hands, you are called the Lord of time..... If only I could restore my baby to life. Jesus, you are called the Lord of life, you defeated death when you died on the cross, you are the only man to come back from death. Please take care of my baby, please take care of me. I am afraid that this will haunt me all the days of my life – please set me free.